Zack Fair (taketheshot) wrote in x_nlogs_x,
Zack Fair
taketheshot
x_nlogs_x

Woorgh. We board-spam. :D

{Characters} Cloud, Zack, and... anyone who wants to join in later?
{Setting} Dawn. Cloud's room, for now then Midgar Rabanastre
{Rating} Worksafe I lied. Still no mansmut, but there's kissykissy stuff near the end.
{Status} Ongoing BWAHAHAH SO MANY STRIKE-OUTS. This log is complete now. :D

Zack had said before that he had no need for sleep, and he hadn't been lying. Despite the fleeting quarrel (if you could call it that) with Cloud in his journal, Zack soon found his attempts at sleeping in his borrowed bed to be completely and utterly futile. The man was simply not tired. It didn't help that his insomnia was being fueled by both his restless energy and the memories of what had happened in the previous day: coming back to un-life, meeting Kuja, and practically having an aneurysm when Kuja had calmly torched a room of the Honeybee Inn. Not to mention coming back to un-life, meeting Cloud, and having one of the oddest, most sex-driven conversations he'd ever expected to have with his best friend. Zack wasn't sure which was more disturbing: the fact that his new friend had, within the span of an hour, done a speedy, mini recreation of Zack's friendship with Sephiroth (minus the fighting and the stabbing), or the fact that his old friend both claimed to be heterosexual and to want Zack to have sex with him.

That latter bit was all the more puzzling to Zack. When had Cloud decided that he wanted Zack that way? Did Zack want Cloud that way? Granted, he'd thrown flirtations and found Cloud attractive enough, but Zack certainly wasn't intending to screw up what was a perfectly good friendship just for a casual fuck. Not to mention the fact that it would've been pretty awkward, what with Cloud's virginity and Zack's girlfriend and their friendship and, well, everything. It was probably better not to think about it.

Zack, walking through the slums of Midgar, paused and crossed his arms as a thought occurred to him. Really, what the hell had Cloud meant by saying that he was a "male heterosexual" and that he wanted Zack? Was that meant to imply that Zack was a woman? Because, bloody hell, if that was what Cloud had meant, neither incorporeality nor friendship was going to stop Zack from marching up to Cloud and putting his spiky blond head through a wall.

As memories of burning rooms and innuendo with his best friend (and the consequent memories of burning villages, slashing and stabbing, meeting and finding love with a certain brunette flower girl, and ultimately hearing a shot, and being plunged into something akin to a restful slumber) pervaded his mind, Zack took the opportunity to travel around Nexus. He only managed to travel past the Gold Saucer into another new area (a bustling village, with a signboard labeling it as "Rabanastre"-- Zack would have to investigate that later) when the sun's rays first started peeping up over the land.

Zack had promised to be back at Cloud's when Cloud awoke, and he intended to make good on his promise. Zack looked troubled and he knew it. His eyebrows were slightly knitted, his thoughts rolling and crashing in his head like an ocean. It certainly wouldn't do to show up at Cloud's looking like he was ready to strangle a rabbit. The brunet decided to clear his mind by sprinting all the way back to Midgar, racing across half of the markets of Rabanastre, past the Golden Saucer and back toward Tifa's bar. By the time he reached the place, the sun had just risen in the sky. Zack was far from out of breath (something that didn't surprise him, being that he didn't have any to waste), but did find his mind refreshingly cleared.

It was an old habit that made him reach his hand out for the doorhandle. When his hand went through, Zack sighed, shook his head at his own stupidity, and walked into the bar.

The place looked different when it was illuminated by the bright light of morning. It was for more... homely, more comfortable. Zack walked up the stairs, briefly considered knocking on the door (Tifa probably wouldn't have been pleased if he'd just barged in), and then decided that, hell, if he was going to accidentally catch an eyeful of Tifa in her nightwear (did she sleep in her underwear, perhaps?) Zack might as well do so with great gusto.

He walked in. To his relief, Tifa wasn't there. Instead, there lay the still form of Cloud, his back facing the door so Zack couldn't tell if his friend was awake or not. Zack paused, uncertain as to whether or not he really wanted to wake his friend up or not. He glanced at the clock-- 6am. In ShinRa, they would've been awake by now.

A fond, mischievous smile on his face, Zack slipped onto the bed behind Cloud, the mattress not bending or creaking to show any indication that he was actually there. He knelt just behind Cloud, holding his hair back and leaning stealthily over to the blond's ear. The room was deathly silent-- good. Zack silently sucked in a breath that he didn't need, and then bellowed in his best liutenant voice:

"Up and at 'em, soldier! What did you think you enrolled here for-- to sleep? Training started at four! Get your lazy maggot ass out of bed and hustle out there with the rest of the troops!"

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"I said I'd be here when you woke up, didn't I?" Zack replied. "I just decided to push that little date a bit earlier." He turned to face Cloud and leaned back, his palms flat on the surface of the bed. With a nonchalant shrug, he added: "I could've come at four, but you would've been asleep then. I may've been the liutenant, but I never was good at hiding the preferential treatment for my favorite trooper."

Zack kicked his legs along the side of the bed, his heels diving into the wood and making not a sound. "Besides, you lazy ass, it's good to be awake at this time of morning. God knows what kind of slob you'd turn into if you're allowed to sleep until noon."

It was rather evident that the brunet had boundless sources of energy (or, at least, still had something on his mind), as despite him having sprinted all the way from one fragment of world to the other, he managed to push himself off the bed as if he were in the Olympics and jog to the middle of the room, where he promptly began doing squats to pass the time until Cloud got up and was ready to leave.

"Speaking of which," he said, still looking at Cloud. The blond was quite a sight, bleary-eyed and with sleep-mussed hair. It was the same sight that Zack had, on rare occasions, been treated to back in ShinRa. He'd always walked over and ruffled Cloud's hair then.

Zack continued his squats. "Didja sleep well?"

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"Alright," Zack said. He'd momentarily stopped his exercise when Cloud started sucking on his fingers. In all honesty, he hadn't noticed the broken photo frame when he'd walked into the room. That fact disturbed him a little-- the fact that he'd somehow managed to skip over something that might've been important.

I must've been more distracted than I thought, Zack thought as his eyes drew to Cloud's lips, formed into a small O around his injured digits. The man was still unconsciously staring at his friend's mouth even when Cloud had removed his fingers from his mouth, watching absent-mindedly as those lips parted, helped to form words.

Zack blinked himself out of his reverie and quickly resumed his squats. "I couldn't sleep," he called. "Told you I couldn't, didn't I? I tried, though. I ended up checking out the place instead. Did you know that the Gold Saucer leads to a marketplace now? Rabanastre, or something. We should check it out someday."

He paused, walked over to the dresser, and raised his voice as Cloud entered the bathroom. "Nice picture," he said, looking at the photograph in question. So that's Marlene and Denzel. "You guys look like you're practically a family."

And, there was that feeling again. The feeling of being the third -- fourth? fifth? How exactly were these things computed, anyway? -- wheel. It was a stupid feeling though, wasn't it? After all, Cloud had gotten pretty annoyed when Zack had left the other night.

It was just best not to dwell on it.

"What happened to the frame?" he called to his friend. A small surge of protective worry came over him. "You weren't attacked, were you?"

Yeah, because someone would just break in, scuffle, and only break a photo frame, Zack thought dryly. Still, it didn't hurt to ask.

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It was, a little, but Zack remedied that by moving his exercises closer to the bathroom door. There, at least, it was a bit easier to hear the blond.

"Not anymore," he called. "And... sure. Might as well." He smirked to himself as he added, "I'll race you there." Zack didn't add the fact that he was practically tireless. "Y'know, I've never really seen how much better you've gotten with mako in you? I'd like to know that you weren't experimented on for no reason."

Zack squatted, arms raised to counterbalance the weight he was placing backward. Up, down. Up, down. Cloud had broken a picture frame? Over Zack? That thought was both worrying and... well, oddly flattering, in an unnecessarily violent sort of way.

It was more the fact that Cloud had smashed the frame even despite the picture's cheery contents that was disturbing, rather than the fact that he'd just simply broken a frame. Hell, Zack had broken many a thing back in the day when he was corporeal, but nothing that was as significant as the photo looked.

How it looked. That was the thing, wasn't it? Perhaps it wasn't as significant to Cloud as Zack thought. Probing a little into the area, he added: "Wouldn't you ever want to be a dad? I mean, Tifa's idea isn't too bad. You guys look pretty sweet in this photo."

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'In that case, I can't remember it.' A bang. 'It must sound like I really don't care, huh?' More banging. Dear God, what on earth was Cloud doing in there: violently beating off? Maybe Zack shouldn't listen.

He shuffled closer.

"I... ou'i... place." Cloud's words were eaten up by the roar of water, coming to Zack's ears only as snatches of barely-audible conversation. "I... nthng... do."

Zack blinked. Tried to digest that.

"Huh?" he said at normal volume; then, "HUH?" he hollered, remembering that Cloud couldn't hear him. Immediately after the word left his lips, Zack was struck by how silly he had just sounded. He raised his hand to bang on the door, and then realized the futility of that action. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Oh, screw it, he thought. Cloud probably had a shower curtain anyway -- what kind of bathtub didn't have a curtain? -- and besides, even if he didn't, it wasn't as if it would be anything new to Zack. He and the other soldiers had often showered together back in ShinRa to conserve water; plus, there'd been that one time that Zack had had to strip Cloud down to put his SOLDIER garb on him.

With that thought, Zack phased through the door. Fuck it if Cloud was embarrassed by it later. Since when did Zack care if Cloud was naked, anyway?

Since that "I'd want you to fuck me" comment, that's when.

To his credit, Zack kept his eyes off the direction of the tub when he entered the bathroom. He walked over to the toilet, which (thankfully) had the lid down. Zack sat on it.

"What'd you say? I didn't hear that last bit," he said in his normal voice. It rang clearly through the bathroom. "All I got was the bit about Tifa." Zack shrugged. "I dunno. I'm not much of a family guy myself. I never really thought about it much back then. I mean, I love Aeris, but I can't imagine having kids with her, either."

Zack laughed. "Could you imagine me as a dad? Gods, I'd be the worst one ever." Amethyst eyes flicked for just a split second to the blond before quickly returning to his own, thickly-gloved hands. "I always kinda thought you'd be settled down by now, though. Are you bothering to look for the right person?"

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"Well, no. I could go back outside but I couldn't understand Cloud-ese as translated by the door." Zack nodded his head to the object in question. He locked his hands behind his head and half-crossed his legs, placing his right calf on his left knee so that they formed a T. In that position, it was evident that Zack had gotten comfortable and wasn't intending to leave.

Cloud's conservatism was vastly amusing to the spiky-haired brunet. Perhaps it was only a figment of his imagination (memories did, after all, have the nasty habit of morphing over time), but Zack didn't recall the blond being that shy before. Granted, it had been an entirely different situation then, but Zack could suss out that at least a little of that apprehension was due to their conversation the previous day.

Well, good. At least I'm not the only one who thought it was weird.

With that thought placing them back on equal ground, Zack felt far less cautious than he had just a few moments ago. He grinned at Cloud. "Don't worry. It's not like it's anything I haven't seen before." The brunet sneaked in a quick, playful wink. "You didn't change into those SOLDIER clothes on your own back then, y'know."

Zack pursed his lips. "That kid thing? Yeah, I guess. Heaven knows I'd protect the thing with my life if I had one. But... eh, I'm not the fatherly type. I like kids well enough, but to have one of my own?"

He shuddered, then paused. "Sorry." Zack looked at Cloud. His legs unfurled. "You didn't want me here, did you?"

With a mischievous, put-on predatory look on his face, Zack walked over to the shower and made as if he was leaning casually on the door, his weight supported by his forearm, which he placed on the flat, smooth glass. His face close to Cloud's, Zack murmured, "Is here any better? Maybe even closer?" He idly curled his fingers, easily phasing them in through the doors and back out again. "I can hear you better when I'm closer."

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And, really, that hint would've been more apparent to Zack if he hadn't been so preoccupied with standing in the middle of the bathroom and opening and closing his mouth like a shell-shocked fish. Of all the reactions he'd expected Cloud to have (slamming the door in Zack's face, blushing, telling him to lay off, dismissive laughter), kissing him had been the last thing that Zack would've guessed to happen. Thus, even though he hadn't been able to feel a thing, Zack had just frozen in shocked surprise when Cloud had leaned in and touched his lips to Zack's. As Cloud left for the bedroom, Zack raised his hand to his mouth, ghosting gloved digits over where a lingering warmth should have been.

Was it really wrong that a massive part of him longed to have been able to feel that kiss?

Zack stomped out to where Cloud was changing, not giving a toss that the all the blond was wearing was a towel around his waist. "Excuse me," he said in disbelief. "Did you just kiss me?"

Rolling with the punch, Zack quickly forced his stunned expression into a confident smile. He walked over to the bed and sat on Cloud's clothes with an obvious deliberation, so that there was no way that the blond could get to his apparel without shoving a hand through Zack's crotch or ass. From this position, Zack's head was level with Cloud's chest, giving him a nice view of the blond's wet, well-muscled torso.

He didn't mean to ogle Cloud's abdomen with half-eyelidded interest. That was Cloud's fault, really. Damn the blond for having such a nice body.

"Well, I'm sorry if my flirting makes you hot," he said. "It never used to bother you before. But hey," Zack added, propping his hands behind his head with a smirk, "if you wanna blame me, then sure. I'll take responsibility for that kiss." There was a silly, kidding tone to his voice that negated his jokingly arrogant words. "I'm a sexy beast. I know. You just couldn't help falling for my irresistable charm."

He was baiting Cloud now. A small part of him was aware of that. As he sat there, pulling a goofy, pouty kissykiss face at his friend, Zack ran a quick mental list of possible scenarios through his head again. Yelled at, blushed at, punched at, laughed at-- kissed again? That would be nice.

Zack grinned up at Cloud and waved a hand. "Well, c'mon," he said, knowing full well that he was right in the way of Cloud's clothes. "Get dressed already. Strip. I may have eternity to wander around, but you don't."

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Well, that was a fast turnabout. Rather than feel happy about it though, Zack only felt slightly upset. He definitely wanted to kiss his friend (Can I still call him that if I want to fuck his brains out?), but doing so would've been almost masochistically cruel; a sad reminder of what was well within Zack's reach but yet he couldn't have.

Plus, there were quite a few people around. Zack wasn't averse to public displays of affection, but he wasn't quite sure that the citizens of Rabanastre wouldn't maul Cloud for it. Still, an acquiescence was an acquiescence. Besides which, there was a small thrill in Zack's heart to (mistakenly) know that Cloud wanted to kiss him.

"Yeah?" Zack asked with a small smile. He leaned in and brushed Cloud's long sidebangs back-- or, made the motions of doing so, anyway. His fingers ghosted through the ex-trooper's hair, drawing a swift trail of chill along Cloud's neck. Zack brushed a soft, quick kiss across Cloud's lips. He swallowed, and then crossed his arms and put on a challenging grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Then why don't you?"

Zack left that hanging in the air for a moment for it to sink into Cloud's head before he cocked his head. "I was just kidding." Mildly-depressing thoughts in his head gave way to the amusement of having just watched his friend try to conceal a rare look of child-like excitement. "C'mon. I think I see--" photo frames, he had been about to say, but that was a bit of a lie, "uh... shiny things, over here. Maybe they'll have a frame. D'you think Tifa would mind a shiny frame?"

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"Mm," said Zack.

Shit, thought Zack. This was far beyond cruel. His heart was skipping up into his throat and his hands burned to be able to hold his friend. Cloud might've been able to feel Zack, if only as a chill presence, but Zack was entirely robbed of his sense of touch. He had stood there, maintaining what had, to him, felt like a farce of a kiss, staying in place due to the knowledge that Cloud was at least able to feel him, and out of a sad kind of desperate need for contact. His hands had risen to the small of Cloud's back ever so briefly, his fingertips greedy for warmth. It was a vain action, and by the time Cloud had broken the kiss, Zack's hands had fluttered inconspicuously back down to his sides.

The raven-haired man raised a knuckle to his lips and coughed briefly, clearing the odd choking feeling he had in the base of his throat. Perhaps he should have listened to Cloud before on the many occasions that Cloud had asked him to stop flirting. Being a free spirit (pun unintended), Zack had no particulars about whom he fell in love with-- and judging by the dull ache in his chest, he was falling pretty fast. With someone who he couldn't physically be with, and who he'd probably have to witness get old and die.

Fuck. Stop being depressing.

Minutely downturned lips spread into a cheerful beam. Zack extricated himself from Cloud, moving away with a faux ease that made it seem as if he weren't trying to get away from the sharp pang in his chest that Cloud had caused by maintaining the illusion of Zack's corporeality. "I don't mind you pushing your luck," he said somewhat blandly. It was a half-truth, at least. "And, well, the planet changing makes it more interesting, I guess. I don't know why everything's different like this-- I intend to find that out at some point... but at least the strangers I've met or talked to so far from the other places don't seem like they're here to cause trouble." He remembered Kuja. "Much trouble," he amended.

Zack strolled over to the aforementioned 'shiny' stall, ignoring a vendor who screeched something about fish and waved a flopping mackerel in his face. It sold little trinkets: bits of gold and silver, earrings, necklaces and bracelets. He patiently waited for the vendor to stop gibbering about prices and 'crazy sales' before inquiring as to whether or not the creature (for, indeed, the vendor did not look quite human) sold photo frames.

The vendor gave Zack a look as if the brunet were brain-damaged. "Can't you use your eyes? I only sell jewelry here," he said. "F'you want a frame, you'll hafta look someplace else."

"Yeah, well." Zack shrugged. "Thanks anyway." His eyes caught onto a particularly effeminate pair of earrings, delicate and dangly, with a small, deep blue drop of lapis lazuli set in the middle. "Think you might want a pair, Cloud?" he asked teasingly, setting his hand over the earrings.

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"Bet you didn't think we'd ever find a place bigger than Midgar, huh?" Zack grinned. "Don't worry about the buying thing. I don't have anything in mind either." He ignored an indignant snort from the vender. "I'm just here to look around."

Since Cloud had said that he was looking for potions, Zack glanced around for another stall selling the colored vials. His exclamation was reminiscent of an excited teenaged female in a mall when he spotted one a short while off. "Oh, oh, there!" he cried. He grabbed at Cloud's arm and then snapped his fingers in frustration when his hand fell through. Zack resorted to pointing. "I mean, the--" He raised a hand, index finger outstretched, only to find half of his arm being shoved into the rotund belly of another passerby.

"Watch where you're going!"

"Watch your weight!" Zack retorted, and then quickly stormed forward so that the man's outraged punch fell an inch short of the tips of his spiky black hair. He continued walking, weaving (unnecessarily, as if his body still had some substance) through the crowd, until he realized that he'd just left Cloud behind.

Zack ran back. "You coming?" he called. He was half-tempted to snag Cloud's wrist and pull the blond along, but that... was impossible. Instead, he started walking at a slower pace, hoping that Cloud would follow suit.

"When did you see my parents?" Zack asked. He shook his head. That sure would've made for an odd conversation. Hey mom, hey dad. Huh? Oh, I'm good. Just, y'know, dead. How've you been? "I don't even know if Gongaga's still around. They could be anywhere right now." And, God, that was a terrifying thought. After all, not every place was safe. Zack grimaced and added 'Find out about Gongaga' to his mental list of things to do.

"Well," he said, nudging Cloud's arm playfully, "at least I found you." He gave the blond a small, wistful smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Even if I can't kiss you." Zack shrugged. "C'est la very crappy un-vie."

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Zack gave Cloud a wry smile. "Ever kissed air?" he asked rhetorically. "It isn't much fun when you want to be kissing something else." Zack touched his index finger to Cloud's mouth and traced it over the soft curve of the blond's lower lip. The minute action was intimate without being sexual, as Zack stood directly in front of Cloud, amethyst eyes lowered with a look of desire to the blond's lips. His touch felt like a wet ice cube running over flesh; there was a gentle, pleasantly cold tingle, and then there was nothing. "At least you can feel me though."

Zack lowered his hand and turned his attention back to the stall. His eyes flicked up to meet Cloud's. "Y'know, that Phoenix Down thing might work. I don't know where my body is, but it's still worth a shot, right? I mean, hell. I've come back to life. I can't touch you but I can walk on land without falling through-- most of the time, anyway." He stamped on the floor just to check. He didn't fall through, but at the same time, his boots made not a sound, leaving the ground entirely undisturbed. "Not to mention the fact that the planet just got a complete redo. Expecting a Phoenix Down to work isn't totally ridiculous."

A sharp swell of excited hope crashed on Zack's heart like a tsunami, an emotion that took the form of a wide, cheek-to-cheek grin and a certain sparkle in his eyes. "Get one," he urged. "If you have enough gil, get one. Please."

The last word was uttered in a tone that reeked of longing. Trying anything was better than doing nothing, and it was in Zack's nature to be optimistic. There was a high chance of it working. Phoenix Downs were made for the dead, and although Zack's case was a little different, he still counted as one of those who were past their expiration date. The rejuvenator had to work.

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"Mm?" Oblivious to the stares of the people passing by (who were wondering about the mental health of the nutty blond who'd just wasted a Phoenix Down on someone who looked perfectly alive and well), Zack waited for the lights to fade, wanting to do something but not quite knowing what. It was a combination of the hope and excitement that bubbled up in his chest, and a feeling of queasiness as the feather did its work. There was a momentarily overwhelming urge to throw up, which was unsurprising to Zack. Phoenix Downs weren't meant to be used on those hovering on the line between alive and dead. When the feeling to puke subsided along with the glowing colors, Zack looked down at his open palms and flexed his hands.

"Well," he said, "here goes."

In his mind, he was telling Cloud to stop being so pessimistic. "I'll tell you again... it probably won't work." What was the point in trying something and then telling yourself that it was bound for failure? Wasn't that just like jinxing yourself? Of course, none of this was voiced as Zack knew that it was as much in Cloud's nature to be negative as it was in Zack's to be positive. Zack was confident that it would work; in fact, he knew that it would. He had far too much expectation and hope in it for it to fail.

Which was why his heart plummeted to his stomach when his arms, spread wide to engulf Cloud in a tight hug, fell right through, bringing Zack along with them in a forward momentum.

"Oh," he said in a small voice. Zack valiantly tried to keep the devastated look off his face. So that was it, then. His condition was too complicated even for the healing magicks of a Phoenix Down. He was stuck.

No, no, I can't think that way, Zack chided himself, even as his heart sank and his expression smacked of disappointment. It's only been my second day back. There might be something else that'd work.

Not that I can think of one.

Stop it. There has to be one.


Zack shoved his hands in his pockets, arms huddled to himself in a closed-off pose that he had been echoing many times over the past few days. "Oh well," he said in a falsely nonchalant tone. "I guess the shot missed me this time. Never mind, it was still worth a try. We'll find something else." Zack laughed. It was a sound that would have been convincing, if it hadn't sounded ever-so-slightly hollow. "After all, I have all the time in the world to find a way to kick this."

He jerked his head slightly, his long, black tresses gently brushing his bare shoulder. "C'mon. You should buy those potions you need. Don't forget the ethers, either. Considering the size of this city, we may not have time to cover it all in one day at the pace we're going. And we have to check out all the bars-- can't let any of them beat the one you have, right?"

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"Are you kidding me?" Zack nudged Cloud's arm. "There's no way that I woke you up at the crack of dawn and dragged you all the way here just so we could look around for a few minutes and go home!" Noticing Cloud mirroring his dejected pose made Zack straighten himself self-consciously. "And hey," he said, attempting a bit of humor, "half-living into an eternity isn't that bad." I'll watch you die, and I might never see Aeris again, but--

Zack tossed his head and flicked his hair in a show of deliberately exaggerated vanity. "Hey, I get to be young and good-looking forever. I can rub it in your face when you're old and wrinkly and in a rocking chair."

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